Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
