Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
