he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize