covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
