When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
