My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
