hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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