and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I wear drunk well.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
