I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
