It's Friday. Sex?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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