if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
