Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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