Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
