i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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