I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He felt like a one man threesome
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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