I got chris browned last night
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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