i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
