Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
