we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
