shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
