I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
