We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
