Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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