Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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