So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
