There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
