Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
