fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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