from now on my penis is your penis
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
