Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
