What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
