I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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