his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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