i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
