worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
