let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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