Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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