oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He has the fingertips of a God
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