i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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