I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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