had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
