Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
