I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
