watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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