I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
