What did I eat last night that was bloody?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
