Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
