when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
