Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My ass is underappreciated
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize