Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
