im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
