the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
