oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
