how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize