Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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