my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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