it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
