i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize