operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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