Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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