Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
