I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
