worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
